I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist.
It’d bring me great joy.
I’m 6’2 and weigh 180lbs
ready when you are
Or if you’d like to have some more options….
and have 9 years of combined martial arts training and 3 years of being a Line Backer in football.
Just in case you are looking for variety.
*at karaoke bar* what the FUCK do you mean you don’t have the mulan soundtrack
My Christmas list this year:
- Ice tea imported from England
- Lifeguards imported from Spain
- Towels imported from Turkey
- Turkey imported from Maine
shopping for clothes is only fun when you’re rich and skinny
why do famous people think that they can only date other famous people like youre limiting your chance to find your soulmate
for example: me
once you go black
you never go back
hell is a place where you’re strapped to a chair and forced to watch an endless slideshow of every picture of yourself that you deleted
Without Tumblr, I would legitimately know nothing about what’s going on in the world.
WHOEVER BUYS THIS FOR ME WINS MY ETERNAL LOVE
I OWN THIS
EVERY MORNING HE SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HOW THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND YOU HAVE TO GET UP
AND WHEN YOU PRESS THE BUTTON TO HUSH HIM HE SAYS “DEFTLY DONE, MADAM,” OR “IF IT’S NOT TOO FORWARD OF ME, THAT DID TICKLE, MADAM”
IT WAKES YOU UP WITH THE SOUND OF CHIRPING BIRDS BEFORE STEPHEN FRY’S VOICE
EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE
THIS IS LIKE JARVIS.
A REAL JARVIS EXCEPT HE’S A CLOCK.
WHY MUST I BE POOR?!
9pm: "I'm going to bed now."
10pm: "I'm going to bed now."
11pm: "I'm going to bed now."
12am: "I'm going to bed now."
1am: "I'm going to bed now."
2am: "I'm going to bed now."
time to put on my final exam outfit
if i lay here
if i just lay here
do u think i’d still pass all of my classes
apparently teenagers need 10 hours of sleep a night to function properly maybe thats why i suck at everything